Love thy neighbours?
Neighbours are part and parcel of almost everyone’s life. They get so integrated with our family, sometimes they get to know more about what is happening in our life than even the man of the house or maybe even the parents. They could be sneaky, sweet, lovable, bitchy or a mixture of all. The worst of course, are the grumpy old men. (More about them later)
This love or hate relationship with neighbours, (depending on your luck, of course) has given me many instances of acidity, indigestion, moments of murderous intent and when lucky, loads of happiness. All my best friends are the ones I grew up with and they happened to be my neighbours for a few years. When the families mingled, the depth of friendship increased and lasted too.
I remember this family, who moved in next door, I was very excited because their daughter was my age. Sadly, the man and my father were at loggerheads almost every day, coz the sunshade of our car-shed had its water spout facing their car park, and whenever it rained water gushed out directly on their gleaming white car. He insisted on us blocking the spout and my father steadfastly refused saying water will become stagnant and leak into the walls. Issue never got resolved I think. His daughter and I had a temperamental friendship, thanks to our fathers!!
The growing pains of a teenager, is more pronounced when you have sneaky neighbours. My mom was always bombarded with “I saw your daughter talking with so and so”, “I saw this boy walking behind your daughter twice” blah blah blah. In turn, I will be bombarded with “ennadi, idhellam” (what is all this). Shouldn’t these people be worrying where their children were at the moment than gossiping about other’s kids?
If that was the negative side of being a teenager, the actual story of being a young girl, in a road devoid of any other young girls, was different. Always, followed by bodyguards onward and back from school, the youngsters in the area had their days filled with bodyguard duties and kept the jobless neighbours, spying on all the comings and goings of the youngsters.
The nicest neighbours are the ones who share their sweets and other goodies. If you are lucky, a friendly lady, living next door or even the door after next might bring a plate with freshly cooked something. Again, depending on luck, this could give indigestion or happiness.
Living in a flat is another experience. Everyone knows everything. By the time, my prospective husband had come to meet me for the first time; I had a few hundred congratulations on the imminent wedding!!!At the same time, they also stand-up for you and rush in case of any emergencies. Once my mother had given our house key to a neighbour, who had another house about 2 hours drive from ours. That lady forgot about the key and took off to her other house. We were locked out, until the neighbour saviour guy offered to take me to that ladies house to retrieve the key.
Having lived in America for a few years, I can frankly say I did not know who my neighbour was, even though I lived in an apartment. I remember some Mexican fellows all looking alike, playing loud music late evenings and that’s it. Any Indians, of course, we always zoomed in on each other immediately and exchanged full bio-data and family histories!!
Now, in England, neighbours are totally different story. Not only do they have soap, called “neighbours” running for god knows how long, but they are a totally knit community, especially, where I live. I am very lucky in my present house, my children have friends of their age to play, and my immediate neighbour is so friendly to us, and this old lady who is 80+ always shows me pictures of her children, grand-children and great grandchildren. They always share their fruits from their fruit trees with me. The only problem, the old lady had with me, I realised recently, was she thought my knowledge of English was something I should work on. She asked me the other day “So, can you understand us better these days?” Either she did not understand my English with a Chennai accent or her 80+ years of hearing was diminishing. Paavam.
A few years back, living in Manchester, I had two weird neighbours. I was not in town, when my husband moved home, he rented this house which had a dentist practise downstairs and an inn on one side. It was a semi-detached house. The first time, I entered the house, I almost fainted, not with pleasure, the anaesthesia and other medicinal smell in the air were the culprit. It was only later I realised, what a sluggish life I led there. Now, I know who to blame!!
One late evening, we were playing carom, when we got a knock on the door. It was the inn-owner saying we were disturbing the sleep of their guests!!!! He had no idea what carom was, and was wondering what we were doing tapping on the walls.
On the negative side, though, is their show of lack of inhibitions. Last summer, I had guests from India, and was very embarrassed when I realised their room was facing the neighbours, and the lady next door was sun-bathing in her bikini with a glass of wine near her. I could see this guys face turning beet red. Too much of a culture shock. Another set-back is their love for barbeques. Oh, the stink!!!
Worse still are the before mentioned “grumpy old men”. Two doors from me, is this man who I think stays glued to his front windows, watching for anyone straying into his driveway even by mistake. He immediately rushes out and with a nasty and rude tone that sends the innocent person/child scurrying back. My children are so wary of him and I am so glad he is not neighbour. My kids hit their tennis balls over the fence always, and our kindly neighbour returns them all the time. If it was the other person, I am sure he would have thrown a few rocks!! He needs a sign on his door “beware of grumpy”!! He is the kind who causes heartburn to the otherwise happy neighbourhood.
Love thy neighbour – but don’t pull down your hedge - Benjamin Franklin
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